Morning Sh*t

Today, I think I need to do something better than yesterday. I am not a good planner; moreover, unfortunately, I am not a good worker to realize all I had planned. This morning, in the middle of a lot of things I have to do today (when I felt trapped to manage them all since I woke up), I got an ideas for my blog. Not for this one, another blog. It’s more serious blog. But in the first 30 minutes, I couldn’t compose all the ideas into sentences and type them down on my notebook. I wrote, I deleted, wrote again, deleted again. It’s just like some small frustration in the morning. It was suck. I hate this.

So, I have more 30 minutes (25 exactly), and I will write something here. It won’t be something important. This is about me. This is about how the bad mood grows while I need some better mood to do these all. It’s unproductive. But, who said about productivity? I am not an industrial agent; I am not a machine in the complex array of tools and devices. It’s just me. I hate to wake up with many things to do. I just want to wake up with wide space of time. But, you’ll tell me that I’m not realistic, wont you?

Yeah. I am not realistic. Perhaps I am in love. Perhaps I am in hate. What’s the difference? Those are only feelings that were stimulated by some chemical reaction in our brain. Again, I hate this condition.

But maybe, the situation won’t be better if I always say that I hate these all. It won’t help. It will be more likely “self prophecy fulfillment” (am I right?). When I said that I was in terrible condition, it would be happened. I had read a novel by Michael Crichton, “The Sphere”. Before I read it, I underestimated it. I guessed there will be some unnecessary bloodshed, violence, and Hollywood-style thriller. But I was wrong. I found a lot of thoughts, which surprisingly made me feel comfort for I had been thinking about them since I was a child. It was about UFO, extraterrestrials, space ship, black hole, time traveler, and psychological approach. But I don’t want to talk about them. I want to tell you about the main idea in that novel. It’s about a group of scientists that accidently found an unknown sphere in the buried space ship, in the bottom of Pacific Ocean. They supposed it came from far and much more advanced civilization. I love their discussion when they observed that sphere. But the story began when the sphere obviously made two of the scientists had an ability to realize anything just by imagine it in seconds. Wow! I wish I have such ability.

I wish to imagine that I am fine today, I will get everything I want, I will succeed in all things I had started, and – of course – that someone I supposed to mad about will come to me sooner, magically, and – of course again – happily ever after.

I am nothing. I am not as popular as movie or rock star, I am not as smart as Hawkings, but I have my mind to imagine and fantasize anything. All I have is imagination. So, how great I am if I have such ability to create all things.

Unfortunately, it won’t be like that. The scientists of the novel finally decided (after pain and great lost) that human being cannot afford such ability. It will create serious damage in our life. The causes were our unconscious state remains save all bad things than erase them all. The problem is that we cannot forget all things that we need to forget. We just prioritize the things we want to keep in our mind. It won’t always succeed. 

What’s the relation I stated above with my condition this morning? Yeah. It means I need to imagine good things than spoil up myself with bad feelings. I just want to keep good feelings. But in the same way, I have to recognize all my fears of things, so I can manage them.

At least I write something.


Photo: his name is Plongki.